Thursday, February 23, 2012

Thankful Thursday - Jackson

I've missed the last couple Thursday's. There have been various reasons, and they each have ended up with me remarking at the end of the night, "Oh Cr#@! I forgot to be thankful!" It's not that I'm not thankful, just that time runs out and then you're left with feeling guilty for not posting. At any rate, it's Thursday and I'm here to say, I'm Thankful!!!
All jokes aside, Jackson is on my mind. A few weeks ago I received an email from the school nurse that his vision wasn't that great. It was 20/60 in his left eye. This was all GREEK to me. Huh?! What does that mean? I shot off a reply asking for more details and was met with a short response, you should probably have him checked out. Well, okay, sure, get right on that, add it to the list. But, what does that mean? I mean, Brad and I don't have any issues with sight, I know 20/20 is ideal, but I have no idea what any numbers mean beyond that. I called a friend and asked her what to do, she said she heard about a Dr. that their family goes to, and I called them.

I was reluctant to tell Jackson about the appointment because he had no idea he had any vision problems, the nurse never told him and he has never complained to us about headaches or anything. I told him a couple of days prior and he kind of freaked out. I talked him through it and eventually we made it to the appointment.
I sat with him in the room and watched him trying to read the letters on the screen.
It was devastating.
It was so hard to sit there and see him struggle as he tried to read the letters. He just couldn't see them. How could I have missed this?
At this point, I don't think Jack quite understood what it was all going to mean. I never mentioned to him that he might need glasses. Actually, I was hoping that we could just fix his "problem" with a patch or something and call it good. Maybe I was in denial as well.

The Dr dilated his eyes and asked us to come back a little later to get a better idea of what was going to be needed. We knew he was far-sighted and couldn't see the 3D images (why did I pay for him to go to those movies?!) but beyond that, the only way to tell was to continue the exam and see what kind of damage had been done to his eyes.

We leave the office and I am overwhelmed with guilt. Why didn't I know it was this bad? How could I have missed this? All those papers they send home after their school exams, did I just miss it and throw it away? Where are those papers now? Can I find them? Did I save them? Does the school have copies?  How many years has it been? What kind of a mom doesn't know her kid can't see? Am I that distracted? How can I help my son?

It might seem a little dramatic to those of you that have glasses or someone in your family does. Actually, everyone in my immediate family does, as well as Brad's, to varying degrees. But, we don't, so it's different for us. It's never been an issue that has impacted us in this way. Jackson is the first.
So, this is my new Jackson. Complete with specs that make him look so smart - as if he needed that - and very handsome.
I love this guy! My first boy, so strong and sweet (when he wants to be), full of life and vigor, ready for a challenge, eager to learn (how I love that the most), and an awesome brother.
I am thankful for my Jackson, so very thankful.

~ Misty


Gina Arends said...

Misty, you have nothing to feel guilty about! Jack's vision was "normal" to him so he didn't know to tell you there was a problem! When Jace was 4 his eye started crossing. The doc felt he needed to patch his good eye for 8 hours a day to strengthen the muscles in the weak one. After almost a year of patching we saw no change, so we went for a second opinion. This doc was horrified that this boy did not wear glasses! His prescription in the bad eye is -6. My husband has terrible vision, can't see his alarm clock without contacts, and has a -3.25 prescription. So for almost a whole year we covered up his good eye and left him to see hardly anything. I felt awful that we hadn't taken him in sooner for that second opinion. But how do you know? I don't wear glasses either but am so thankful to have them for my little guy now! Jack looks awesome with them and will adjust to them in no time. It's funny now how different Jace looks to me when I see an old picture without them--and at the time I remember feeling sad to cover up those beautiful brown eyes!

Stephanie said...

Don't feel guilty!! I wanted glasses and then it turned out I actually needed them. You know how I feel...I think they make you GENIUS. hahaha. :) Jackson looks mighty handsome!